Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
