Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
