Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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