there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
