Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
