Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
