update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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