Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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