Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
