Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
