god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
