Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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