she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Randomize
