He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
