And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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