he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
