when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
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