Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I want to walk on stilts...naked
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
