She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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