who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
