it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
