why didn't you poke me back
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
