my being single is dangerous.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
