YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
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I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
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I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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