I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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