so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
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Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
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Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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