i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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