sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Randomize
