Plan B is the new Plan A
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
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