would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Randomize
