So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
