Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
