I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud