Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.