man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
are you so shy because you have an std?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
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He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
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I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.