a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Slut skills are useful in every country.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.