My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage