I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
