No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store