i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up