And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
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We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
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Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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