Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
