Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
