drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Please don't give away my fajitas
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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