Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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