sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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