It's Friday. Sex?
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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