then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
