I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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