Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize