He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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