Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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