Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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