just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
