So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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