I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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