Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Randomize
