there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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