She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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