well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
