plz talk dirty to me
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
