my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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