wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Gay?
German.
Pity.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
