hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
The cops high fived after they tackled you
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize