You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
