Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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