We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
