At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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