I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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