How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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