I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
My penis needs a shock collar
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
