he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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