I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
